A Comment on Suffering

This is actually a comment I left on my friend Chandler's blog about "What Cures Heart Ache?" I thought it might be good to post as a seperate blog.

Here is his Question and my response:

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Do you ever wonder how people get ever heart ache?

I do. I have seen so much of it over the years, from shattering soul crushing shock, or gnawing long term pain.

In this time I have never watched a person just "get over it."

Are we meant to suffer after great losses?

How long should we suffer?

Is there a point where you need to just "Shut up and let it go?"

I often tell myself, when I am really hurting, "The world sucks, wear a crash helmet."
Though it is a joke, there is some serious truth in there too.

The world can suck to a point you do not want to continue to take part.

They say "time heals all wounds." I do not know that is true.

Abusive neglected childhoods, abusive spouses, mental illness, death of family members, even the loss of love or the loss of what you thought your relationships are to people you care about. All seem to leave a mark for ever.

What is the cure?

****Let me add. I am not feeling this now, but is an item that was a serious issue ofr me last year and the year before it.**************

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My reply:

Our hearts, in a more metaphysical sense, are a living, breathing thing, just like a tree. If given the right environment and nutrition it will heal from any wound. Though I think most of us live in social and family environments that do not grant an ideal environment for healing. It is rare to find. This is why I believe self love is so unbelievably important to be "healthy" individuals. When we don't have that deep self love, we are forced to find it somewhere else - in someone, in something - and that never truly satisfies or lasts.

I think that suffering is a part of growth that is a part of the "plan" of this life. Joy and suffering are the two dimensions of the Tree of Life. Joy (as seen from the ground up) is seen in its beautiful green leaves, tasty fruit, and fragrant flowers. Suffering (as seen from the ground downward to the tips of the roots) is seen in the tree's "dead" times. The tree is still alive, but looks dead. This is the time when the root system grows deeper and deeper into the soil, without which the upper part of the tree cannot grow further upward. Some of our most important moments of growth is during these times of "deadness" and "suffering". Those who have experienced little or no suffering in life have very shallow roots and can be overturned easily in a strong wind. Those who have had an extraordinary amount of suffering in life will shoot up high and glorious in the future, though it is still necessary - in the case of excessive suffering - to be replanted in more suitable soil and/or environment. Sorrow and pain - if it doesn't kill us DOES make us stronger, though it is important to cultivate and prune the branches to create the fruit of joy to relish in.

All this is said though within the context of our hearts, which are found WITHIN us. If we rely on our outward circumstances, family and friends to provide the proper environment for our inward hearts then we are destined to live a life of difficulty, cynicism, sorrow, depression and pain. Even if we do find that perfect outward environment in our outward circumstances, family and friends, it is made dependent on these things which are all temporal and fleeting. When they leave, die, or change then we are hurt because of our dependence on them. But if we have that "perfect environment" within us already, no one and no thing can take that way from us. We have everything we need to be whole and healthy, despite the pounding of this tumultuous life. This is not to say that we cannot be deeply hurt, but it allows us to have deep love within ourselves and to not have need on others or the world to give that love to us. It allows us to heal from the pain and disappointment of others. I have never really lost anyone close to me before, whom I loved with all my heart, so it is unfair for me to comment on the death of a loved one. I know that if I lost my precious son I could no longer life this life. This love I have for him runs so deep in me that I would die if he was gone.